Query Writing

In the past week and a half, I've written two queries (each with over five totally different drafts--and they're still not done!) for two different novels. One of which I am currently revising, and one I'm considering re-revising for the ten-thousandth time.

I am no expert on writing queries. I've written queries that have nabbed requests, and I've written queries that got quickly discarded because it was obvious they weren't working. But I've found two things that have helped me, anyway, and I feel like sharing, because I've consistently run into a particular frustration: the too long query. If what I'm saying doesn't resonate with you, please feel free to either ignore me or disagree with me in the comments. It would actually be sort of great if we could get a discussion going about this.

The first thing: write your query long before you're ready to actually send it out. This is an advantage for so many reasons, the first of which being you have longer to tweak it, and longer to send it to friends or post it on boards for it to be critiqued. You also have it ready if there are any contests involving posting your query. Basically the last thing you want is to be vomiting up a query a day before you need to use it.

But I think this is also a good idea because it helps you really figure out what the core of your story is. Revisions can be so overwhelming, sometimes it's easy to get distracted by side details and let the story veer off-track a little bit. Having that query in the back of your mind helps you remember the basic plot and the ultimate goal of the protagonist. It's also a great way to catch inconsistencies, or to see if your plot or conflict isn't fleshed out enough.

The second thing (and I think this is especially helpful if you write fantasy): if you keep feeling like your query is too complicated, is too long, or just isn't summing up your story, then you probably aren't zoomed out enough. What you think are the barest bare bones of the plot...those things are probably still too much detail. Whatever those things are, whatever you think you absolutely must include in your query, cut that information in half. And then maybe do it again if your query drafts are consistently over 350 words.

Seriously, I'm so sure that this is a contributing factor to query difficulties, I'll even say it in a different way. The problem, sometimes, is feeling like aspects of your story don't make sense when put in the query. If a detail needs more than a couple words of explanation, or if the reason behind it isn't obvious because of the rest of your query, it probably shouldn't be there. It's too specific.

This whole too complicated too long query thing has been my big problem. It's not that my stories are any more complicated than any other YA stories (they're not)--it's that I was trying to make my query too complicated. I wanted this cool detail and that cool detail to be in there, and this plot twist, etc. And it all seemed so important to my ability to pitch the story. Just leap over all that stuff. Resist putting it in.

All the really good queries and blurbs I've read have one thing in common: they're short, and they only say a couple of things about the story if you really break it down. One I'm currently digging is the blurb for DAUGHTER OF SMOKE AND BONE as it appears on Goodreads (or, at least, as it appears at the time of writing this):

Around the world, black handprints are appearing on doorways, scorched there by winged strangers who have crept through a slit in the sky.

In a dark and dusty shop, a devil's supply of human teeth grown dangerously low.

And in the tangled lanes of Prague, a young art student is about to be caught up in a brutal otherwordly war.

Meet Karou. She fills her sketchbooks with monsters that may or may not be real; she's prone to disappearing on mysterious "errands"; she speaks many languages--not all of them human; and her bright blue hair actually grows out of her head that color. Who is she? That is the question that haunts her, and she's about to find out.

When one of the strangers--beautiful, haunted Akiva--fixes his fire-colored eyes on her in an alley in Marrakesh, the result is blood and starlight, secrets unveiled, and a star-crossed love whose roots drink deep of a violent past. But will Karou live to regret learning the truth about herself?

I love how pithy it is, how much mystery there is, and yet how straight-forward it manages to be. It focuses on one aspect of the plot: who Karou is. But there are big hints that there's way more to the book than just that question--and that the fantasy world is very rich.

Anyway, these are just some things I've noticed. I hope they're even a little helpful (since it took me longer than it probably should've to figure some of this out--since I'm not ready to query my YA fantasy yet, we won't know if I actually learned something for a while!) but even if I'm completely unhelpful, remember that I'm just as inexperienced as you are!

And I would REALLY love it if you would share the most helpful trick you've learned for writing queries!

Kitten spam!

An old video of Lucy, my cat, I finally uploaded to youtube. She's a pretty small kitten in this video. She makes cute noises and it's only 20 seconds long. Perfect for making you smile without wasting your time!

Seriously, kittens are therapeutic. Why do you think there are so many cute kitten videos on the internet?

Just a thought

Often times, a motivating factor in striving for some goal or some kind of success is proving someone else wrong. People in high school who thought you were a loser. A teacher or professor who said you were a terrible writer. A parent. A sibling. Whoever.

Most of the time, though, I don't think these people really care if we ever make our goal. We haven't really proven anything--if a professor thought you were a terrible writer, and you manage to get published, that professor's mind probably hasn't changed. Now you're just a terrible published writer, in that professor's eyes--if he or she even cares. If those people from high school haven't grown up (and some of them never do) you're still a loser, no matter what you do. (I think the exception to this is parents. But I digress.)

I don't think we're proving them wrong. I don't think we're even striving to prove them wrong. I think they become the face of our own doubt. Someone says you're a bad writer? Now you have a picture to hang on the dartboard--but that feeling of doubt you want to throw darts at has probably always been with you in some capacity. These people certainly don't help matters. They make the doubt worse. Or they plant a different kind of doubt, now to grow wild among all the other kinds already living within us.

When we say we want to prove them wrong, I think it's really doubt we want to prove wrong. Our own doubt. My doubt has a lot of faces, collected over the years from people who made me feel small. But the person I most want to prove wrong is myself.

Do you like Moleskine? Try this...

My new pocket notebook was not made by Moleskine. I got it at Barnes & Noble (the notebook makers are a B&N company). It's lime green. It's got great paper. It has a flexi cover. And it's super super eco-friendly.

http://www.ecosystemlife.com/

Seriously guys, I like trees. A lot. So from now on I'm buying these--yep, the green gimmick works on me. But even if it's a gimmick, it's actually good for the environment. 100% recycled paper. And with trackable ingredients--every book comes with a serial number. They tell you where every part of your notebook was made. Mine was made entirely in the United States (which, from an American company, is impressive in of itself).

I like it a lot. No I did not get paid to write this. I just like trees and clean air.

Fantasy Tropes: Don't Take Your Setting Too Far The Wrong Way!

A couple weeks ago I talked about the importance of having a detailed and unique setting (with the understanding, of course, that one not bog down the reader with pages of flowery and needless description).

On the topic of setting (which is inexhaustible! And which I love) there's also a different direction in which a writer can go wrong, and that is making the setting too unique. I can think of a lot of mixology analogies right now, but I'll spare you. There is a reason we insert modern-day protagonists into fantasy settings, or why we use the slightly worn if still well-loved medieval castle as the primary setting for a fantasy novel. Because if a setting is too far off the wall (and this is where the modern-day protagonist comes in handy--for easy explanation) it gets hard to deal with.

Because if things get too complicated, the reader is going to give up and give up fast. I've noticed several problems that contribute to having a setting that's a little beyond the amount of effort an average reader is willing to commit to understanding a story.

Problem the first: UNPRONOUNCEABLE NAMES

A name that sounds like a sneeze and has three apostrophes in it? Probably not a good idea. Because if a reader can't figure out how to pronounce most of your names, then they won't remember the names. If they don't remember the names, they will not be able to tell the difference between many of your characters. ONE name with three apostrophes in it is okay, especially if everyone else has an intuitive sounding name. Then it sticks out, marks that character as being from another land or culture or whatever, and is memorable if not pronounceable. Otherwise, I strongly advise against it. (The same goes for ridiculously long names. Especially if they start with the same letter.)

Problem the second: RIDICULOUSLY INVOLVED CULTURAL RITUALS

Is there a very complicated bow that one must make if it's a full moon in the second harvest month if the king approaches you from the left on a main road? Does your world's religion have more rituals and gods than the Egyptian, Greek, and Roman pantheons and religions combined? And does said religion require some really complicated version of genuflecting and have very strict and very intricate rules? As a general rule, unless you can introduce this kind of intricacy slowly, so as to familiarize the reader with parts of it early on and then introduce it in small amounts only as needed, it's probably not a good idea. And I don't mean don't make up a religion or new cultural rules or what have you. Just don't make them overly complicated and don't try to explain (or 'show') all the aspects of said rituals. You can get away with a LOT of uncommon and unfamiliar stuff as long as you introduce it in the right way, and don't make things needlessly complicated. If it seems like there's at least a somewhat plausible reason for a culture to do things a certain way, then the reader will go along with you. And if you introduce that certain way in bits, only as needed, then again, the reader will go along with you. I know how hard this can be, especially in first person if you're writing from the perspective of someone who's very familiar with things. But it's doable. (And part of what I find frustrating about first person.) One of the best ways to get around 'explaining' rituals is to have someone totally mess them up.

Problem the third: TOO MANY MADE UP WORDS

This goes along with unpronounceable names. Some people can get away with a glossary at the back of the book (or...if you're Tolkien, publishing like twelve books of backstory and language history to accompany your stories). But I have to tell you, having read a lot of books that do have glossaries at the back, I get tired of flipping back every time I come across some word or title or minor character or lesser god in country X's pantheon I can't remember. Sometimes I do look in the glossary, but other times I just resign myself to being confused and forge ahead. Seriously, sometimes it's okay to use the word 'empress' or 'princess' or 'priestess' or 'lord' or 'lady' or what have you. Assume your story is being translated from whatever fantasy language into English. Only when there really is no direct translation (and nothing that even comes close) do we Anglicize another language's word and stick it in something. If they have a special kind of monster or plant or a horse with eight legs or a specific ritual they do on Halloween, well of course we'd have no English translation of that. But we do have words for king and queen, for empress and goddess, and such. Also, if you can make your made up words intuitive, for example if you have a dragon-like monster, somehow including a bit of the word "dragon" or "wyvern" might help the reader remember, oh yeah, that's the dragon-like monster. (That's an awful example, but it serves.)

Problem the fourth: TOO MUCH DESCRIPTION
You knew it was coming. The easiest way to bore a reader with setting is to describe it. In long paragraphs. And pretty language. While absolutely nothing is happening in the story itself. The kicker about this problem, though, is that your setting can still be generic even with lots of description. If you have to describe every detail of a room, but the only things in the room are some chairs and a bed with pillows on it and a fireplace, that's not a room that needs or deserves description. Nor does it say anything about your world other than that people have to sleep and like to sit down.

So what did I forget? What do you think makes fantasy settings needlessly complicated?

Fantasy Tropes: The Masquerade (I Can't Get Enough)

I have this theory about why so many balls show up in fantasy novels. Part of it is because the scene they create is so pretty.


But the bigger part of my theory hinges on prom. No, really. I had a totally craptastic prom experience. (Junior and senior. I don't know which was worse, the whiny boyfriend from junior year who got mad at me because I didn't tell him he looked nice every five minutes, or the chainsmoking date from senior year who wore SHORTS with those socks that come halfway up your lower leg.)

So getting to read or write about a ball is actually a fantasy prom that none of us ever got to go to. No, really. I'm serious!

My favorite kind of ball, and my absolute favorite fantasy trope that I can NEVER get enough of and probably will never ever get tired of is the masquerade. I think they're gorgeous to read (and to watch!) and there are so many possibilities during a masquerade that don't exist anywhere else--not even in other balls. Come as you aren't, isn't that the theme? Wear a mask and become something or someone else for the night.

Masquerades are full of possibilities. Mistaken identity. Love without ever seeing someone's face. Disguising a prince or an assassin or a milkmaid. (Disguising your smallpox scars or the fact that your nose fell off because you have syphilis. Hah.) And, of course, not using a disguise at all, but instead choosing a mask on a stick that can be removed and that doesn't hide your face very well to begin with.

If you want to make sure your masquerade is unique, the biggest bit of advice I can give (and this comes from reading tons and tons of fantasy novels) is to make sure there's a reason to have the ball. Not necessarily that the characters throwing the masquerade have to have a good reason (people do stuff for fun all the time), but make sure that the plot needs the masquerade--and specifically a masquerade, rather than just any old ball. Otherwise they can seem like gratuitous scenes and might end up darlings that need to be murdered. (At the same time...I sort of don't mind even if they are gratuitous.)

An example: the story of Cinderella always has a ball, because that's where the prince meets her and where she loses her glass slipper etc. etc. etc. But in ELLA ENCHANTED by Gail Carson Levine, she changed the ball to a masquerade, because the prince and Ella had already met, and he couldn't know her identity at the ball--so having a masquerade ball gave Ella the opportunity to wear a mask. She made it unique and more useful to the plot. (Plus it's a brilliant book.)

Masquerade balls and the reasons for having them can say a lot about your country/society's economy, and people's reaction to it (especially people in power). Are they frivolous and very Marie Antoinette-ish? Spending tons of money when their country can't afford to eat? Or are they really in an economic boom and everyone is happy? Or, more likely, perhaps the country is in war-time and people need a pick-me-up. Or the aristocracy is trying to pretend like nothing's wrong when really the treasury is empty and everyone is secretly broke. Another one of my favorites is some kind of show of riches or power for a neighboring nation who might be visiting at the time. I'm not so much a fan of the idea of throwing a ball to find a mate for a prince or princess, since that one gets used more often, but those balls do have their place in the plots of fairytale retellings.

Do you have a favorite masquerade (or ball) scene from a book or movie? (I feel like the obvious answer is PHANTOM OF THE OPERA...)

Book Review: THE SPACE BETWEEN

On Monday I reviewed Brenna Yovanoff's THE SPACE BETWEEN at YA Confidential. It was definitely one of the best things I read this year.

http://yaconfidential.blogspot.com/2011/10/book-review-space-between.html

Fantasy Tropes: My Young Naive Orphan Boy is Better Than Your Young Naive Orphan Boy

Last week I was nice. I talked about setting (a little bit, though expect more on this because setting is one of those Things that you can always say more about) and I talked about funny diction. But nicely.

This week I am slightly less nice. Like 1% less nice. Bordering on mean, really. Be prepared with the correct pair of undewear. That was not meant to rhyme, but I like it. (I am also not talking about Harry Potter in this post. I love Harry Potter. You insult Harry Potter and I'll sic my dragon on you.)

The fantasy trope I'm going today happens to be a very popular main character in fantasy novels. The young (naive, usually orphaned, shy and kinda stupid, yet magically gifted (though he doesn't know it yet), good at nothing yet somehow smarter than everyone else (though he may not know it yet), probably a goat herder, serf, slave, or worker at a crappy little inn in the middle of nowhere where he means absolutely nothing to anyone around him, but he fulfills a prophecy or was chosen at birth or has a magical right testi--uh, I mean ear,) boy.

Traits this character may or may not have:
The girls all like him, but he probably doesn't know that.

The adults are one of two things: dismissive, or secretly threatened (probably both).

His life is miserable and quiet.

He is miserable and quiet.

He has no self-confidence. Something which the people around him reinforce on an hourly basis.

There is probably some magical or super-intelligent skill he has, that he's always had, but he doesn't know it's important. It isn't until the Wise Old Man or The Dark Lord's Minion sees him do this thing he didn't realize was at all a magical skill that the plot begins and the young boy realizes he's actually speshul.

But he won't feel speshul until the end of the book.

(Conversely, there is probably some magical or super-intelligent skill he has, that he's always had, that's caused his village/parents/whoever to shun him and make him feel super un-speshul. So now he's got a complex about using it.)

He will mess up. A lot.

And then he'll mess up some more...

..with women, and with however he's being prepared to defeat The Dark Lord.

He'll mess up to the point that you don't think it's possible he could ever actually defeat Evil. (But this is a fantasy book. Of course he will defeat Evil. But you have to wait three more books for it to happen.)

The woman he loves will be woefully one-dimensional. Ladies reading the book will roll their eyes, because this is so not new we have learned to pick more important battles. Like with underwires and why they are necessary.

Did I forget to mention the quest?

When he finally does defeat The Dark Lord or Evil (or both), it will change him. He will become depressed somehow, or fall into a pit of "is this what it is to be a man?" or "look at how many people had to die for me to get here." This will make him into a Man.

This will not prevent him from having The Sex with his one-dimensional love interest. But he first will ignore her because he thinks his hands are too bloodstained to ever touch something so perfect.

And the most important trait of all:
Despite the fact that most readers of fantasy have read him a hundred times before, and maybe don't even like him while reading the book, by the end...he has won us over. Because who doesn't love tales of adversity, in which an absolute nobody with a miserable life gets to become something more? (And I mean that in absolute seriousness.) And we're probably even rooting for him to get together with his one-dimensional love interest. (I mean that in partial seriousness.)



(In my fear of posting anything negative on the internet and people forever after assuming I'm some kind of...nasty negative person, I just have to say: Y'all, this is satire, because fantasy is my favorite genre and I really do love everything about it. I'm not serious. Or maybe I am. You'll never know. But anyway I've read many young-chosen-boy high fantasy novels and loved them.)