Gah!

Do you ever feel like the universe, or life, or the Flying Spaghetti Monster, or whatever is trying to convince you what an asshole you are?

I'm totally having one of those months. Ever since February started, a whole bunch of tiny but really embarrassing things have happened to me (thankfully none of them involve me falling down in front of people... yet... we still have 19 days left in February) that aren't quite significant enough to warrant serious complaining, but that combine to make me feel like little bits of my self-esteem are being eaten away at (right now I'm imagining thinking I had a cupcake, but when I turn around, I only have a tiny bite left). Most of them involve misunderstandings, and second only to my dislike of having my personal space invaded is my complete terror of misunderstandings that make me look like an idiot.

This is why the idea of using Facebook as a way of "courting" someone you want to date (which someone told me about last week, and over which I almost had a panic attack--okay not really, but I did get significantly bothered and worried because it's a very my generation thing to do) stresses me out. The potential for misunderstandings online is VAST! Even worse than in person--and they happen so often even when you do have the luxury of reading someone's tone of voice and body language!

So it should be clear to you right now that something happened to me today. Basically someone corrected my already very shameful and embarrassing misunderstanding with a REALLY condescending remark, and I came home feeling pretty gross. If someone insults me outright, I'm happy to defend myself. But in this situation there was nothing I could say that wouldn't make it worse and look like I was blowing things out of proportion or being too sensitive or too mean, and so I just had to sit there and turn red and desire to disappear.

I felt like a teenager.

Basically the only point of this post is because I always like reading about people's personal lives on their blogs, second only to the juicy details of their publication journeys, so I decided to give you some of my shame so you could smile and be glad that it didn't happen to you. (Multiple times).

So I'll probably be left with this feeling of "gah" for at least the rest of the day, or even possibly tomorrow as well. The crappy thing is I JUST got over a different reason for a feeling of "gah" that happened just a couple days ago! Which inspires another GAH!